I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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