thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
