I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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