R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
