i think i have two assholes
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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