Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
my liver is dry heaving
We need to get me chipped asap
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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