I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
