Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
