So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
