she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
