I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
