So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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