if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
