friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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