the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Randomize
