I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
