8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
