kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
