What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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