My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
apparently the secret to your success is patron
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
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