if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
