So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
