Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Please, let me fuck your mom
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
