girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
