life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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