i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
