my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
