I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
