I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
