I wish my penis had an off switch
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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