too bad you live with your parents still
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
