my phone needs a breathalizer
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
