Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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