Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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