honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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