so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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