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dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
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