Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
