i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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