maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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