they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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