I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
