Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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