trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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