Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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