it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
