I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
