Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
