I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
