It's like a parade of train wrecks.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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