sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
