At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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