I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
